


(hold me) steady

by lavenderlotion



Series: i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Dating, Developing Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, Flirting, Getting Together, Hetero-flexible Ned Leeds, Homosexual James "Bucky" Barnes, Insecurity, M/M, Making Out, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship Discussions, Sexuality Crisis, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29782296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion
Summary: James took a double-take, his eyes shootin’ wide fuckin’ open as his eyes greedily, hungrily roamed over Ned’s frame.Holy fuckin’ shit, the kid was pretty. Fuckin’ hell, but he was the sweetest thing James had ever seen, ‘n he let his eyes take in every detail they could with his heart racin’ a slammin’ beat ‘gainst his chest ‘n makin’ him breathless.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Ned Leeds, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker
Series: i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684696
Comments: 19
Kudos: 20





	(hold me) steady

**Author's Note:**

> This is a side fic of _[to love and be loved by you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420497/)to love and be loved by you_, so if you haven't already done so, please go give that fic a read for context!

James took a real deep breath ‘n reminded himself that he was fine. He was  _ fine. _ He tapped his fingers against his thigh, a nervous tick he hated havin’, ‘n let the repetitive beat calm the racing of his heart. He didn't like things he didn't know. Things he didn't know got him into the goddamn mess he was in now—nothin’ but mush for a brain, stuck seventy fuckin’ years into a future he never wanted to be apart ‘a, ‘n missing a damn arm.

But he knew Peter. He  _ liked _ Peter. The kid reminded him ‘a Stevie before he’d turned into the ragin’ fuckin’ ass he was now. He was  _ good _ in a way James was only tryin' to be good, ‘n the kid had seemed so damn excited 'bout James meeting his friend that he couldn't’ve said no even if he’d wanted to. There weren’t a whole lotta people who were excited ‘bout him these days, but Peter sure seemed to enjoy havin’ him around. 

Meetin’ another kid like Peter couldn’t be too bad, right? 

That’s what James’d been tellin’ himself as he’d picked up a bag ‘a chips on the way, ‘n now he felt like a schmuck standin’ outside the kid’s door. The house was  _ massive,  _ fitted with sprawlin’ pillars and a grand door that looked like it probably went ‘n cost more money than James had ever had in his entire life.

Living with Stark was one thing—in his fancy tower with his fancy  _ everythin’— _ but this was different. This wasn't Tony Stark, this was Peter's friend, someone that Peter thought James would get along with. Which, lookin’ at the house now, he wasn’t too sure. 

He hadn't ever liked the kids who lived above the tracks back when he’d been in school, ‘n he figured he wouldn't like nobody who showed off their money in a house like this. But Peter was friends with this kid, ‘n Peter seemed to be from the same beginnin’s that James was. 

Yeah, no, that wasn’t helpin’. 

Before he could do somethin’ like turn away, Peter was pullin’ the door open.

Then Peter was  _ lookin’ _ at him, which made James feel uncomfortable. James was wearin’ his nicer clothin’, but he’d stayed away from any ‘a the suits that Stark had stocked him with. Fuck, was he overdressed? Peter sure as hell wasn’t dressed up, wearin’ a hoodie.

“Hello,” he said, clearin’ his throat and forcin’ some ‘a his tension drain outta him at the familiar sight ‘a Peter. He held up his grocery bag ‘n told him, real sheepish, “I didn't know what to bring, so I brought chips?”

“Oh cool!” Peter chirped, ‘fore he reached out to grab the bag ‘n take a look inside. He moved over to the side ‘n James stepped in, sensin’ the welcome for what it was. “You totally didn’t have to bring anything but yourself, though! We weren’t expecting anything.”

James felt his back go stiff. “My Ma would’ve been real disappointed if I’d shown up to somebody's house with nothin’ for ‘em. Did I get a bad kind? I can always go back...”

“No! No, James, these are awesome. Ned loves Doritos, actually. And oh! Ned. He’s in the kitchen, if you wanna come and meet him?”

James nodded his head, but he didn’t move. He felt his face settle into somethin’ that wasn’t real pleasant ‘n felt bad for it, even if he wasn’t real sure what to do ‘bout it. Lookin’ positive wasn’t a real strongpoint ‘a his, after all. He  _ tried _ for a smile, really, but he wasn’t sure if it looked anythin’ too close to positive. 

He waited for Peter to go first, havin’ no idea where the kitchen actually was. Peter finally started walkin’ after takin’ a deep breath, which didn’t bode too well for James. If  _ Peter _ needed to get himself ready, what the hell was James even doin’ here? 

James tried to push the doubt away as they walked, takin’ in as much ‘a the building as he could. The obvious wealth made him a little uncomfortable, in a way that the tower didn’t. James tried to remind himself that it wouldn’t be the kid he was meetin’ that’d set this all up, but... he was a poor boy from the Bronx, for fuck’s sake, this was  _ not _ his comfort zone. 

But comfort zone or not... James kinda wanted to make more friends. So he walked dutifully after Peter, doin’ his best to ignore his unease ‘n focus instead on calmin’ his racin’ heart.

He nearly stumbled over his own feet when they walked into what  _ had _ to be the kitchen, his eyes skippin’ over the room ‘n landin’ on the kid that must have been Ned. James took a double-take, his eyes shootin’ wide fuckin’ open as his eyes greedily,  _ hungrily,  _ roamed over the boy’s frame. 

Holy fuckin’ shit, the kid was  _ pretty.  _ Fuckin’ hell, but he was the sweetest thing James had ever seen, ‘n he let his eyes take in every detail they could with his heart racin’ a slammin’ beat ‘gainst his chest ‘n makin’ him breathless. The boy’s jeans were stretched real tight ‘cross a pair ‘a thighs that was makin’ James’ mouth water. His dress shirt was buttoned-up all snug, ‘n it was dark ‘nough that it made his skin look fuckin’ glowin’ under the bright kitchen lights. 

_ Fuck,  _ the boy was everything James had ever wanted all wrapped up in a nicely dressed package like a  _ present,  _ ‘n he knew tryin’ to get his heart rate to calm down would be useless now.

Peter cleared his throat ‘n turned to try to get his attention, but James wasn’t able to pull his eyes away from the angel standin’ in front ‘a him. 

“Uh... right,” Peter muttered, barely filterin’ in through James’ senses. “Okay, introductions. James, this is Ned, and Ned, this is James.” 

James wished he could say that he was listenin’, but he already knew the boy’s name. 

Soon as Peter was outta the way, James was steppin’ forward. He had no idea what the hell he was doin’, but the boy in front ‘a him was makin’ him feel things he hadn’t felt since his brain had been takin’ over ‘n his skin had been turned inside out, ‘n... that felt important. This felt important. 

He let his eyes rack over Ned’s form a final time, gettin’ himself a  _ real _ good look, before he stuck his hand out. 

“It sure is nice to meet ya, doll,” James purred with his most charmin’ grin, soundin’ as sweet as he could. 

Ned’s cheeks flushed to the prettiest shade ‘a red James had ever seen, ‘n he felt like he'd won something when he grabbed his hand to shake,

“Y-you t-too.” 

The boy's voice was just as sweet as he looked. He wrapped his hand around Ned's fingers, and didn’t let go even after shakin’ his hand a few times. Brushin’ his thumb across the boy's smooth knuckles, he had to bite down on a feral grin when the boy shivered.  _ Fuck.  _

He kept his eyes on the pretty thing in front ‘a him, wonderin’ if he’d ever be able to look away.

“So...” James pulled his hand back at Peter's voice, rememberin’ where, and  _ what, _ he was. He felt his smile fall off ‘a his face even if he did his best to keep standin’ there lookin’ pretty. He felt foolish for layin’ it on so thick, ‘n tried to think of something to say. He couldn’t think ‘a nothin’, and instead Peter said, “Here, I'll take your coat?”

Ned’s pretty, honey-warm eyes dropped to the ground. James fuckin’ hated it, hated the way his—fuck _,_ _the_ boy wasn’t lookin’ at him anymore. He didn’t know what to do to get his eyes back on him, but he knew he wanted ‘em there real bad. 

James kept lookin’ at Ned as he stood stock-still, tryin’ to quiet his ragin’ thoughts. Slowly, James nodded to Peter’s question, forcin’ himself to move. Finally, the boy looked back up, ‘n James felt a smug smile tug ‘cross his lips as their eyes caught ‘n held. 

He let a smirk twist his lips up. 

It might feel like he had no idea what the fuck he was doin’, but he knew how to put on a show. He peeled his jacket off, knowing full well how his t-shirt would stretch over his chest as he moved slow. He  _ had _ dressed to impress, usin’ clothes as a layer ‘a protection that he was now damn glad for, since he was able to peel himself outta ‘em. Ned stared. Ned  _ really _ stared when James got his jacket off ‘n was left in just a t-shirt. 

Pride ‘n something warmer, somethin’ James hadn’t felt since he fell, swirled together in his chest as Ned stared ‘n stared. James watched, greedy, as Ned’s eyes skipped over the wide expanse ‘a his shoulders ‘n settled on his arm left.

The boy’s eyes went wide, ‘n James grinned. 

He flexed, his metal arm whirring so faintly only his enhanced hearing picked it up. Still, he knew what the plates were bound to look like as he stepped closer to Ned so he could hand the jacket to Peter, stretchin’ his left arm across his body to show off the piece ‘a machinery. Stark had created the arm for him, at the beginning, ‘n while James had been hesitant to wear it, it beat the one H.Y.D.R.A had made for him in every way.

Now? Now, he fuckin’  _ loved it.  _

_ “ _ Holy shit,” Ned said, breathless, as his eyes stayed glued to James' arm in a way that filled him with heat, real low in his gut.

James let his smirk grow. He flexed again, pushin’ the arm in just the right way that it would release a small hiss of air. Ned moaned, the sweetest fuckin’ noise James had ever heard, ‘n his eyes dropped down to the boy’s mouth to find it hangin’ open, pretty pink tongue resting ‘gainst his bottom lip ‘n lookin’ like  _ sin. _

He was openin’ his mouth to say somethin’, anythin’, his lips already curlin’ upwards, when Peter coughed.

It shattered the moment, ‘n James watched it crumble to pieces at his feet as Ned looked to Peter. He looked upset, which was the  _ last  _ thing that James’d wanted for him. He tried not to let it sting, not knowin’ what was goin’ on in the boy’s mind, but it did.

James cut his own eyes over to Peter, his face fallin’ as his heart seemed to plummet into his belly. Disappointment curled familiarly inside his chest, makin’ his heart feel heavy in a way he was real used to ‘n real hated, ‘specially right now. God, James hadn’t felt  _ nothin’ _ like he just felt in... fuck, in fuckin’ lifetimes, ‘n now it was gone ‘n he didn’t know how to get it back.

He had to ignore the ridiculous urge to pout ‘n focused instead tried to focus on anger, doin’ his best to pull up a grimace to throw Peter’s way ‘n fallin’ real flat. 

After a few long seconds that stretched on ‘n on in a way James  _ hates, _ Peter asked, “Did you want to watch a movie?” 

Ned nodded his head real fast ‘fore he left. 

It felt like Ned was slippin’ through his fingers, like James was gonna miss out on somethin’ he hadn’t felt in a lifetime, like he’d never again get to feel the warmth that Ned had filled his chest with. As he watched Ned  _ leave, _ it felt like somethin’ final even though they were all gonna be goin’ to watch a movie together.

Peter looked over at him ‘n he shrugged, but he didn’t move to follow once both boys had left the room. Instead, James took a real deep, real heavy breath, ‘n tried to feel like he wasn’t gonna shake outta his skin. 

James took a deep breath, ‘n... told himself to stop bein’ such a fuckin’ idiot. He growled, low under his breath, ‘n clenched his hand into a fist. He just ‘cause the moment was broken didn’t mean  _ nothin’ _ was over. James recognized the look in Ned’s eyes ‘n he knew what it meant, even if it wasn’t somethin’ he'd seen on anyone lookin’ at him in seventy years. He knew what to do with it, too, even if those memories felt more like stories he’d heard from someone else. 

Takin’ one more deep breath, James told himself this wasn’t the end. He’d feel that warmth again, as long as he didn’t give up. 

He wasn’t gonna give up. Not on Ned. 

* * *

Ned hurried into the living room the  _ second _ Peter suggested a movie. His cheeks were flushed and his belly was warm, and he was tumbling through a mix of feelings that he’d  _ never _ felt before. He didn’t know what to do with them, and it felt like they were all battling for dominance as they warred inside his chest. His hands were shaking even as he navigated to Netflix, but then he paused.

He knew what he would put on if it was only him and Peter, but Ned didn’t want to pick something that might upset James. He  _ was _ the guest, after all (since Peter totally didn’t count at this point) so it would probably be nice if he waited and asked? 

Peter came into the room and threw himself onto the armchair he normally curled up in, sending Ned a smile that he did his best to return. It felt like he was going to spiral out of his skin, but he focused on the fact that his best friend was here with him, and that nothing  _ too _ bad could happen. Right? Nothing too bad could happen if Peter—who was  _ Spider-Man!— _ was here, right? 

Before Ned could keep thinking about what would or wouldn’t go bad with Peter there with them, James came into the room and Ned’s eyes fell back to his lap. Oh, he wanted to look, but he didn’t like how wanting to look made him feel. He didn’t know  _ why _ he wanted to look, he just knew that he really, really wanted to, which was really confusing. 

Not looking away from the screen, Ned tracked James out of the corner of his eyes. James stalled in the opening to the room. Ned was pretty sure he was probably trying to figure out where to sit, since there was the rest of the love seat Ned had claimed as his own and the entire couch that had been left for James. 

Only James did  _ not _ sit on the couch like Ned had been expecting. No.  _ No, _ James marched right over to him and  _ sat on the love seat beside him.  _ Ned gasped, then bit into his bottom lip to hold in a noise of surprise as he forced himself to sit still even though he kind of wanted to jump up and run away. Running away would  _ not _ be good, though, so he didn’t. 

Also, he didn’t think his legs would move even if he  _ did  _ jump up.

Well, okay. Okay. This was happening.

“Do you mind if I sit here, doll?” James asked, really quiet and  _ really _ deep. God, why was his voice attractive? That wasn’t fair! 

“N-No, that’s okay,” Ned whispered, eyes still on his lap. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. 

It didn’t work. 

“What are we gonna be watchin’?” James asked him, in his stupid drawl, out of his stupid mouth, with his stupid eyes and stupid muscles. 

“Do you like action movies?” Ned asked, trying to pretend his heart wasn’t racing so fast it was drowning out the sound of anything else. 

James nodded, but he didn’t say anything. Ned felt his cheeks start to go warm again.

Ned navigated to something tried and true, a movie that he would be able to watch without paying any attention to it. It was a feel-good movie, and he hoped that it would help him calm down  _ and _ figure out what the heck he was feeling, considering it still felt like he was losing his mind. 

As the titles began to roll, Ned did his best to focus on the TV and not the way that James was shifting around beside him. It was totally fine that they were sitting together. It didn’t mean anything, nothing at all, and it certainly didn’t mean any of the things that Ned was kinda, maybe, a little bit, hoping it might mean. 

Gah! 

When an arm landed on the couch behind his head, Ned barely managed to stop himself from squeaking out loud. He held his body tightly, tensely, not daring to relax as James seemed to get himself situated. Now that James had an  _ arm around his shoulders,  _ Ned had no idea what to do or how to hold himself. Should he lean back?  _ Not _ lean back? 

Ned didn’t know! He didn’t know, and he couldn't stop his eyes from flickering over and stealing glances at the bigger man next to him.

They watched the movie in silence for a little bit. Ned slowly calmed down, until his heart wasn’t  _ racing _ and was only beating a little fast. 

That didn’t last. 

“What's this movie called, again?” James asked him in a whisper, and he leaned even closer to Ned so he could keep his voice down.

“The Incredibles,” Ned whispered back, keeping his voice as low as he could even as it shook, a little. 

He was overwhelmed.  _ Really _ overwhelmed. He could feel the heat seeping off of James' flesh arm where it was resting along the back of the couch, nearly touching his shoulders, almost brushing his neck. It  _ could _ be brushing his neck, if he wanted it to, and Ned didn’t know what to do with that. 

He took a deep breath. Held it for ten. Let it out for ten. Then, Ned let himself lean back, just a fraction, and shivered as the nape of his neck brushed against James’ skin.

_ Oh my god.  _

_ “ _ Silly name for a team of superheroes,” James mumbled, and Ned could feel the warmth of his breath against the side of his head.

Ned snorted even as his stomach tumbled over itself, and said, “Not much better than The Avengers.”

James hummed but didn't say anything else. They watched the rest of the movie comfortably. Ned, eventually, calmed down enough that he was able to really relax back into the couch, letting himself feel the weight of James’ arm across his shoulders. James made little comments here and there, occasionally asking questions that Ned was more than happy to answer in whispered tones. He was worried that if he spoke too loud it would break the atmosphere, and James seemed worried about that too. 

It was... intimate. More intimate than a movie with  _ Peter _ had ever been, that was for sure. Hell, with James' arm around the back of his seat, the way his body heat was creeping under Ned's skin and keeping him warm, the way  _ he _ was creeping  _ closer,  _ it almost felt like a  _ date. _

Shit. It was totally a date. And Ned was the girl.

Ned was the girl, and the movie was ending, and James was  _ leaning in like he wanted to kiss him  _ and Ned didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to do  _ at all— _

A thump jolted him out of his racing,  _ panicking _ thoughts, and he looked over to Peter quickly. Ned had no idea what was going on, but he knew that he needed a minute to breathe. James was looking at him heavily enough that Ned could feel his gaze, and he didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t know what he  _ wanted _ it to mean, either. 

“Peter, can I...” Ned trailed off, not sure what else to say as his voice cracked. He shot a pleading look at Pete and had to hope his best friend understood what he wanted.

Ned kept his eyes glued on Peter as he looked over to James. He couldn’t look. Didn’t know if he even wanted to look. Thankfully Peter gave him a soft, familiar smile, and nodded his head. 

“James, I'm gonna walk you out okay?” Peter asked, walking over and offering James a hand. 

Ned didn't look at him. He didn't even look up, and instead kept his gaze on his hands where they were twisting about in his lap. He listened to them leave and wished he could say something, anything, to get rid of the look he’d seen on James’ face as he pulled away. 

What the heck just happened? 

Ned took a deep breath once he was alone. He needed to calm down, to get his heart to stop racing so fast that it  _ hurt. _ He didn’t know why he was feeling so...  _ warm. _ It wasn’t like he had enjoyed that, right? But... even as Ned thought that, he also couldn’t  _ actually _ lie to himself. His face was flushed and his hands were sweating, and he didn't understand  _ why _ his body was reacting like this. He'd just watched a movie. That was all. He’d watched a movie with another guy, and sure it was a guy that was also a  _ superhero,  _ but that didn’t mean anything, right? 

Oh god, what if it was? Okay. Okay maybe it was, maybe it  _ sort  _ of felt like a date... but it wasn't, right? It couldn't have been!

There was no way that  _ James Buchanan Barnes  _ had wanted to be on a date with him, Ned Leeds. 

But also... he wasn't gay. Or, he didn't think he was gay. He'd heard countless speeches from Peter about the fluidity of gender and sexuality and maybe... maybe this was his fluidity? His grey area. Maybe he was attracted to James even if he'd only ever been attracted to girls before? Could he do that? Did that even  _ matter? _

There was  _ no _ way that James was into him. Even if Ned did like him, it wasn’t like anything was going to come of it, right? Did it even matter? Should he even think about it? 

Ned slumped forward, his head hanging down between his shoulders. It still felt like he was going to shake out of his skin, but he focused on what he knew. He knew that he was attracted to girls. He’d never had to stray away from straight porn to get off, and last year a girl named Abbey had made him so nervous he hadn’t even been able to talk in his calculus class. 

He also knew that James had looked at him, and heat had licked up Ned’s belly. Ned hadn’t moaned for nothing when James had taken off his coat and stretched like some sort of robotic porno. That had been hot,  _ seriously hot, _ and he didn’t know how that made him feel. 

Peter came back into the room, interrupting Ned's swirling thoughts as he sat down beside Ned, right where James had been sitting for the movie.

Neither of them said anything at first. 

“You okay man?” Peter's voice was quiet, and Ned was thankful for how close he sat. He needed the comfort since it felt like he was going to shake out of his own skin.

Ned leaned over until their arms were pressed together, and he took a deep breath. Then he took a few more when it still felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

“You know... you know how you always tell me that sexuality can be fluid? That it... like, can change and stuff?” Ned whispered, keeping his voice so quiet that he was pretty sure Peter only heard him because of his super-spidey hearing. 

“Yeah, man.” Peter put his hand on Ned's knee, a comforting warmth that made it easier to relax despite his whirling thoughts. “What's going on dude.”

Ned bit into his bottom lip to keep in the crazed laugh he wanted to let out. Who the hell knew what was going on? Ned sure as hell didn't. All he knew was that James had shown up and thrown his entire world upside down, and Ned... didn’t know what to do with that. 

Taking a moment, Ned tried to think about some of the different terms that Peter had explained to him. When Peter first came out to him, he’d shown up with notebooks worth of research and a crazed look in his eyes that meant he hadn’t slept in days. Ned had listened to everything he had to say, and he listened to everything else Peter’d had to say since he first came out. 

He knew there was a word for it, but... naming it? Shit, that was really scary. 

“I think I might be, like, hetero-flexible?” Ned whispered, his heart speeding back up as he spoke the words. “I'm... I've always been totally straight. There's  _ never _ been a guy I've wanted to bang before but... James is. I—fuck, Pete, I don’t even know!” Ned cut himself off, unable to get rid of the image of James' arm flexing as he pulled off his shirt from flashing behind his eyelids. With a heavier voice, he said, “I don’t  _ know _ and it’s... fuck, Peter, he’s fucking hot.”

Peter chuckled, but it was a kind noise. He leaned into him heavier, which was a lot more grounding, and rubbed his thumb across Ned’s knuckles. Ned hadn’t even realized that Peter had grabbed his hand at some point, but now he held on tight, trying not to freak out. 

“That’s really cool, Ned,” Peter told him sincerely, popping into his field of vision and giving him a big smile. 

“Are you sure?” Ned asked, worried. “Because I don't just mean hot, like, hot hot, I mean, like...” Ned trailed off as his face began to burn, his belly going hot with arousal.

Oh. Oh, yeah, okay. That definitely meant something. 

“Like questioning your sexuality hot?” 

Ned turned to Peter quickly and nodded his head as fast as he could. That was exactly what he meant! James was d _ efinitely _ questioning your sexuality hot. 

“Trust me, dude, I  _ totally _ know what type of you’re talking about,” Peter told him seriously, and Ned let out a soft snort. 

Peter had probably been where he was now. It was nice, knowing that he wasn’t going through this alone and that he had his best friend to lean on. It didn’t really make it  _ easier, _ but it was good to know that he’d have someone in his corner. That he’d have  _ Peter Parker _ in his corner, who was seriously the best best friend in the world. 

A thought crossed his mind, and Ned's face fell as his eyes started to burn. Under his breath, he mumbled, “God. I crush on a guy and it's the most hopeless crush I've ever fucking had.”

The thought made his heart sting. He could remember the way that James had looked at him, but... he couldn't get his hopes up. Not only was James  _ seriously _ hot, but he was also, like, the coolest superhero alive. 

There was no way he’d want to go for Ned. 

“I'm not too sure,” Peter told him quietly, and the traitor smiled when Ned shot him a sour look. Getting his hopes up was  _ not _ what he needed. “Really, dude! I've never seen him like this before.”

“Haven't you hung out with him, like, once?” Ned pointed out, not quite able to keep the whine out of his voice  _ or _ the scoff he let out.

“That may be true,” Peter told him, tightening his grip on Ned's knee, “but I think you should maybe try. At least to see what happens, right? He was  _ really _ worried about you when I walked him out. He even asked that I call him to let him know if you’re okay!”

Ned could feel his cheeks heat up even as he looked back down at his hands, ignoring Peter’s smile. The thought of James liking him back... well, it certainly made him feel a type of way that another guy had  _ never  _ made him feel before. That definitely meant something, but was Ned even ready for what it meant? 

He was quiet for a few minutes as he thought about what Peter was saying. James  _ had _ leaned in to... to kiss him, right? Ned hadn’t ever been kissed, but he’d seen enough romantic comedies to know what was supposed to happen. 

“Do you... do you think that maybe...” 

God, he couldn't even finish his sentence before embarrassment was climbing up his throat and stealing his voice from him. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he  _ wanted _ James to like him back! Maybe... what if... well, what if Ned wasn't really feeling all the things he  _ thought _ he was feeling? Maybe he was just confused, or really into James’ arm? He'd never felt that way for a guy before, maybe it was just a fluke?

He didn’t know. He didn't know  _ anything.  _

But Peter bumped their shoulders together and cuddled against his side. “Yeah, buddy. I've never seen him act like he did tonight and, honestly, I don’t think I’ve  _ ever _ seen someone act like that outside of a romantic comedy. He was totally into you!.” 

Peter slipped their fingers together and then cradled their joint hands between both of his. Ned let out a long breath as he leaned heavily against Peter’s side, knowing the other boy would hold him up. Even if the whole thing with James was nothing, or if it  _ was _ something but not something James wanted, at least he'd always have Peter.

“I'm not gonna get my hopes up,” he mumbled. He knew how much it sucked when things didn't work out, when he  _ thought _ that someone liked him and he started hoping, started letting himself think about  _ what-ifs _ and  _ maybes _ , only for it all to be nothing, or worse, some kind of joke. He didn’t think that James would do that, but hope was a dangerous thing. “But I... I won’t stop something, not if it starts to happen.”

“Hell yeah! That's great, man,” Peter said, ever the optimist, and Ned dragged up a smile, just for him.

**Author's Note:**

> and here we (finally) are! welcome back to this universe, and big apologies for the wait - what can I say, 2020 was pretty crazy! 
> 
> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://lavender-lotion.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> kudos aren’t the same as getting a comment, not even close. so a comment, as short and sweet or as sprawling and sporadic as you can manage, would be _greatly_ appreciated! don't know what to comment? how about _”this was great!”_ or _“awesome work!”_


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